“Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter” –Mark Twain
It is bothering me that I don’t bleed anymore. The monthly circulation system which had homed my body for last twenty five years is no more. Now, should I say “Rest in peace” and let it go. But my mind isn’t accepting the change. Although my body kept reminding me that it is about to go.
The time it entered my body, I had staring looks. Our Indian culture doesn’t allow us to talk about these things and are kept secretive. Acceptance was not easy at that time as well. It pained and bled a lot. The suffering was unbearable. I was not to touch any kitchen utensils in those days and neither was I allowed to go to temple or go in the room which had a mini temple at home too. I was told to remain conscious when I sit and walk. The talk to boys or males be it your father or brother had to be ceased and that was the major part of counseling. Leaving all the psychological problems, I started enjoying the bleeding days by the age of sixteen. Maybe because by the time I knew that this gives me the ability to give birth to another organism and makes me look beautiful. I had a perfect curvy body.
But the withdrawal part is unacceptable at all. The strength it has given to my body is leading to weakness. The bones have become weaker. I apply homemade oil, sometimes branded oils too specifically on my knees. I feel insecure at times about my facial beauty too. My body and face curves are going away. My abdomen has become bulgy too.The body fat doesn’t allow me wear my previous kept loveable clothes collection.
I don’t want to feel low. I don’t want to struggle with ‘to be or not to be’. I am practicing yoga daily. Nowadays, I am even doing power yoga, which keeps me energized. I go for walk till the Majestic Taj. I am extra careful about the diet too. I keep telling myself it’s okay but, God, it’s not okay at all. You have been partial to us- the women. I have found ways to cure and cover up myself from menopause but rest of us are at mercy…